What would we do without them?

It's official. We now know precisely why so many illegal immigrants are managing to gain access to this country.

A crack team of peers have worked long and hard to examine the reasons why so many people are managing to cross the UK's borders and slip quietly into the Black Economy.

Lord Joplin and his EU Committee on Home Affairs have burned the midnight oil and put their considerable collective intelligence to work. Was it the carbon dioxide sensors which sense exhaled breath? Was it the 'magic eye' millimetre wave scanners which can effectively 'see through' lorries? Was it perhaps the heartbeat sensor technology? How about the new biometric IDs for Non-European Economic Area foreign nationals proposed from later this year?

No. It's the fences. If we repaired the fences at Calais, we could prevent at least fifteen hundred additional immigrants gaining access to the UK.

That's it then - despatch a white Transit immediately with nail gun and roll of weld mesh. One wonders what great mysteries of the world they might turn their attentions to next?

What would we do without them?

No spitting, no touching people inappropriately

That nice Hazel Blears has done it again! In an effort to ease tensions in communities with an influx of migrants, town halls will now offer a "newcomer pack".

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/topstories/2008/02/04/migrants-told-not-to-spit-or-grope-women-in-council-information-packs-89520-20308840/

Full of invaluable advice to help with integration into British society, nuggets such as "Don't spit", "Don't touch people inappropriately" and the classic "Queue in shops" will allegedly ease the tensions caused by Government having totally underfunded local services in growth areas, and having little or no record of migrant numbers anyway.

Helpfully, "action plans" are now due to be worked up with local councils by Government, who intend to invest some £50m over the next three years - that's £88 a year for each of the 190,000 new migrants who enter this country on average every year. What a difference that will make to local councils struggling to provide services...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=484265&in_page_id=1770

Ms Blears said today: "As a government we have a role in ensuring that the diversity which is a real strength of this country is successfully managed..."

Why start now when chronic mismanagement has been so easy for so long?

So over £36,000,000 of public money has been used to give four thousand pound handouts to failed asylum seekers to 'persuade them' to return to their country of origin and start up businesses.

Exactly what qualifies these people to start businesses? Is there any kind of vetting? Business plan? Cash flow? Any remote idea of how they will be spending our money - other than blowing it and coming back for more?

One suspects not. Because the Government has said it all - "It's cheaper to give them this money than for them to stay in the UK".

Why would they stay in the UK if their application has failed? Isn't that why we have our laws? Isn't that why we have our Government?