Smokers of the world ignite

In a shrewd marketing move, Marlboro today announced its intention to trial the new "Intense" brand of 'bite size' cigarettes in Turkey.

At just 7.2cm long, the new Marlboro will last an average of seven puffs - just enough for a "quick puff" by harassed smokers forced outdoors in all weathers by the smoking ban in more than fifty countries.

However, it will apparently deliver the same strength at half the size - essentially being double strength. How long before smokers are clamouring for a full-size double strength version?

At the same time, a Liberal Democrat MEP in Brussels has laid down a motion calling for the abolition of low energy-efficient goods - top of the list of which are apparently pub patio heaters. The move, which will cost the British pub and catering trade an estimated quarter of a billion pounds a year in lost earnings, will cause even greater consternation - and presumably even shorter cigarettes - among smokers everywhere.

Perhaps a worldwide protest with the old slogan - "Smokers of the world ignite...?"